Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
