Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
