u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
