A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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