i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
pray to the hookup gods
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
