Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
