apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
