If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize