Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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