I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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