I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
