I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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