New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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