Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
