I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
