for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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