So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
