She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
