Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
