chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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