i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
