I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
