Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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