Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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