Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
