my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
