so explain again why im purple
no
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize