The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize