did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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