So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just pynch a tree in the face
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
