great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
