I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
