oh god the rape fog is back!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
