please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
