I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
