Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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