do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
