yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
