I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
