am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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