i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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