in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
