just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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