I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
