he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
