How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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