"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
