I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
