She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
