i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
