I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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