I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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