i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Michael Bay diarrhea
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
