1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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