I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
