its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
