do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
