I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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