someone threw a dead crab at me
thus making me awesome and them whores
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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