There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
