remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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