you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Let's get the cat blown out
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
