my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
