I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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