She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
