went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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