He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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