Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
