i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh god it's open bar.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize