im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am mentally ready for anal.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
