bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
